I don’t want to feel this way.
I feel pity for myself. I feel sorry.
All I do is eat, cry, sleep and repeat. Sometimes I’ll occupy myself. I love running and I can’t even run properly because I’m always crying. It kinda makes it hard to breathe.
I’m so tired of this life. It sounds like such a cliche, but it’s true.
You know what I think about as I lie here and cry myself to an early grave?
That maybe, just maybe someone will come to save me. But it never happens.
I keep thinking about the previous men in my life. The ones who were supposed to love me. And I keep wondering whether they feel any remorse for hurting me.
The worst thing is I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be normal and get on with my life. But, since I’ve been suffering with severe depression and anxiety since I was a child, with no help whatsoever, I feel so tired now it’s like I can’t even contemplate a normal life.
The simple truth is, I feel so lost. And so lonely. And I don’t know whether I want to live or die. I guess I’m at the cusp of deciding.
I truly feel like I don’t belong in this world. Or maybe I do. Recently I came to realise there is one other option for me, as a way out of this desperate torment.
I cannot speak of it, but I am seriously considering it.
As someone who is right now seriously considering suicide; here is what the world should know.
Nothing will stop me from doing so. Nothing anyone says, or does, will stop me once I’ve made up my mind. I guess, I’m not so sure yet. But my life is empty. And no one is to blame for that. Taking ones own life is the most unselfish thing to do. Take it from someone who is hesitating to knock on death’s door.