The guilt that stops me from resting

I made a decision recently to leave work. To quit my job because I need a break from the world for a while.

Due to anxiety and depression. And every other overwhelming bad feeling under the sun.

But I feel way too much guilt to do this.

Leaving my family to bear the financial burden.

I’m stuck in this infernal loop of ‘do I go back, do I not’.

See, it’s hard because it doesn’t feel like I’m doing the right thing.

It’s like I’m copping out. It’s like I’m just being lazy. Just giving up.

Putting the fact that I’m losing an opportunity aside, leaves me with the sense that I’m giving up. Not on just me, but on my family.

Every minute detail about the situation is killing me. I overthink to the point I exhaust myself.

When and if I leave the last thing I want to feel is like a failure.

I worked so hard through my anxiety to bring my levels of self- esteem and confidence up.

I’ve just had enough. I don’t want to do it anymore.

But if I leave work for good, I’ll be even more depressed. And if I stay, I’ll be on my way to a mental breakdown. I don’t know what to do.

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