By my family. Friends. Colleagues. Or my Twitter followers, I feel ignored. But nobody owes you time. So why do I feel this way?
This morning I woke up to just over a hundred media engagements – that’s a click on an image I posted on a tweet so people could see the whole image. It was meant to be funny… no likes and no retweets. Well, that should hardly matter. So why do I care?
Not many people engage with me off the internet either. I suppose those who care about me somewhat do speak to me. But there are long periods I spend entirely alone. So how does that affect my anxiety?
Because I suffer from severe anxiety and lingering social anxiety (which I have to combat every single day) I get very tired. At the moment I’m also fighting a skin infection and on strong antibiotics. This has been going on for a year. I fractured a bone 9 months ago. My knees are playing havoc with me. I feel nausea and dizziness everyday. So I’ve had to make a drastic decision.
I need to stop trying to gain as much as I can from events and people in my life. I need to stop clinging onto every moment I can for validation that I can beat my anxiety. I know I’m beating it. I just need to stop continuously pushing myself so I can rest my body and my mind. And that means not caring if I’m ignored. Because it DOESN’T MATTER. I don’t need other people’s approval to tell me I’m okay. I know I’m okay.
It’s okay to quit. It’s okay to say no every once in a while. Because as a friend told me the other day; what’s for you won’t pass by you.
How right he is.