Ring the fucking Samaritans

‘I just think of doing stupid things so I can get shot’ I tell a friend.

‘You need to speak to someone’ he replies, ‘have you been to see a doctor? Or rang the Samaritans?’

Ring the Samaritans. Now, there’s an obvious solution. Because talking to some volunteer who is trying to ‘give back to the community’ is really going to make all of it go away.

‘We can’t give you advice’ they say. Well, what can you give me? A few more feelings of contempt because I opened up to a stranger who couldn’t give a damn, I’d say.

So, ring the fucking Samaritans. ‘I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, anonymous caller.’

’What do you want me to do about it?’

But alas here I am, with no ‘professional’ help. Because trying to control ones feelings is not a profession. I don’t need your help. What I need is understanding.

I will fight through my anger and my sadness at the world like I always do. And sometimes I’ll suceed and sometimes I’ll fail. But I need your understanding that I can’t do some things you expect me to. Maybe I can’t climb the career ladder, maybe I can’t get a foot onto the housing ladder, maybe I can’t find a partner, and maybe I won’t have children. Or simply exist.

What are you going to do about it? ‘We can’t give you advice’ they say.

I’ll just help myself then. Like I always do. Till the next time I feel like filling my brain with lead.

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