Tonight, Mr Anxiety comes close to me. Leans down and places his pale blue lips against my ear.
”You’ve lost.” He whispers. His face is twisted into the widest smile.
Bad memories begin wading in.
I’m riding a horse. I have become afraid of horses for some reason, though I’ve been riding them since childhood. I lost my nerve. The horse bolted.
I’ve already lost. I repeat.
My anxiety is ruthless. It is has no boundary. It makes no sense.
I have developed a fear of almost anything and everything. Irrational fear. There is nothing to fight because… I’ve already lost the battle. The Grey Cloud of Fear covers me in its dense fray today.
But the war is not yet over.
I feel a sharp stabbing pain inside my brain as I wonder if I could get through the night without waking up in a damn sweat.
Earlier I was wondering whether it would be prudent to move country… perhaps live elsewhere. Maybe then I might see the wood for the trees.
But running away won’t solve anything. I stand and fight, but my how I’m tired.