Today, a faint smell coming from the platform I was waiting at for a train reminded me of a part of my childhood.
Once again, I was a sensitive, scared lost little child waiting for other people to decide what I should do.
This was the day I met the Grey Cloud of Fear. She skittered around me, as if her heavy cumbersome frame was as light as a feather. She took her place beside me, till her heavy, rain soaked limbs enveloped me into a stronghold.
Ingrained within me since nursery school, it is no wonder that this same indoctrination follows through to adulthood.
I’m always waiting, for something or other to tell me what to do. It has gotten easier over time to take my life into my own hands, but what the Grey Cloud of Fear doesn’t tell you is that it will not go away.
I wish that I had the strength that I do now, ten years ago. Because my anxiety stole my youth. It really did.
Today, I spent time with my family. They’re constant reminders that I am home.
But after all; as the Grey Cloud tells me mercilessly; time is passing me by, and I may never succeed in anything. I am… nothing.
And I am everything.